Not gonna lie. This year was hard. I am really glad to be done with it. It wasn’t hard because of school; we just had a lot happen in our family: death, floods, and struggle.
As I slowly move into the rhythms of summer, I have become quiet: reflective. This year was so focused on surrender and survival, I lost sight of who I am, what I stand for. While I am proud that I was able to surrender much of what happened to the universe, the survival of it all made me move into a space that was still untethering. Much of what I experienced emotionally this year was unknown to me.
While I have lost people very close to me in the past, I have not sat in space with a person I love so fiercely struggling to find and figure out themselves in the proximity I have this year. It has been difficult for me to create space between my daughter’s search and my own, or even what I believe she needs. It has been the greatest struggle to allow her space to figure out her place in the world.
But yesterday, we hiked. We hiked Segment 3 on the Colorado Trail…12 miles in one day. We talked. We laughed. We reentered together. We grounded ourselves in the forest.
While all this year I worked at surrendering events to the universe, it took the forest to break something free in her vision of herself. I knew this intuitively. Last March in a bout of extreme frustration I turned to my husband and said, “She needs the forest. She needs to go into the woods to figure herself out, to get away from all the tools she uses to distract herself. To get quiet enough to listen.” And that is just what we have begun to do.
While I know that one day in the forest will not work miracles, we will continue to go. Backpacking and hiking. Getting quiet. Receiving grounding.